


I Know

by quicksilvering



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, One Shot, its just, pure angst, theyre not in a relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-16
Updated: 2015-05-16
Packaged: 2018-03-30 21:20:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3952165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quicksilvering/pseuds/quicksilvering
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone who has traveled with The Doctor has suffered some terrible fate, and he can't blame anyone but himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Know

“You are selfish!”

These were the first words The Doctor heard as soon as he stepped back into the TARDIS.

Clara was angry, stomping around and yelling at him, doing that thing with her eyes where she looks like she’s going to cry but she’s so mad that she can’t. He hates that thing. He hates when people cry, or look like they’re going to, or even talk about doing it, because feelings are messy and inconvenient.

“You’re a selfish old man! You only ever think about yourself, you irresponsible, despicable, monster!” She screamed. She picked up something off the control panel and threw it on the ground to emphasize her point.

“Any time you’re done I’d appreciate you picking that up. It’s not polite to throw things.” he said, ignoring her and quickly turning the dial to go forward in time about 10 years. He needed to see if the people they had saved were _actually_ saved or just seemed like it.

Clara let out a frustrated shriek, he could call it a yell but if he were to be honest, she had as shrill of a voice as was humanly possible. It was almost frightening how high she could go. “Those people died! They were screaming for help and you stood there and you let them die! How could you do that? How are you so broken inside that you wouldn’t save them?”

The Doctor gave a shrug. “I couldn’t. The reactor was malfunctioning, no time. If you’re finished we have some business to attend to and I’d like to stop putting it off. You always were fond of procrastination.”

“Do you really expect me to go anywhere with you, after all of that?”

He paused, just for a short moment. If he was correct, that was actually disgust in her voice. He didn’t understand why. She had seen him let people die before. He would never kill on purpose, he wasn’t a creature of violence. But there were people he couldn’t save, people he wouldn’t. He promised that after the war he would never kill again. And he hadn’t. Not directly, at least. “Will anything ever be enough for you? This is why I don’t like humans sometimes, you’re all so whiny and needy. Oh The Doctor didn’t save them boo hoo! Are we forgetting the hundreds of people who are alive because of that? So what, two measly humans died to save a hundred. Sounds like a fair deal to me.”

He went back to turning dials, adjusting settings and measurements to ensure a nice landing. The balance had been off a bit lately and it made the rides bumpier than usual. He’d have to fix that later. He was so distracted thinking about what could be wrong when he barely noticed something else strange, Clara wasn’t yelling. Her tirades were usually never over this soon. He was at least expecting her to hit him once or twice before she was finished.

She was just standing there, staring at him. “What?” She still didn’t say anything. “What’s wrong? Don’t tell me I hurt your feelings.”

“How many?” She asked.

The Doctor paused, “How many what? Feelings? I don’t know, many I’d imagine.”

“Enough with the sarcasm. Enough with the damn excuses. Out of all the people who have traveled with you, how many of them have died?” Her voice was shaking, but she wasn’t crying. It was pure anger. He felt a knot grow in his stomach.

He didn’t want to answer that. Memories flashed in his head, of all the people he had let get close, and how all of them had disappeared. Faded. Left. Rose, Donna, Martha, Amy, Rory, Jack, The Master, River, even Handles. No one near him made it very far, and none of them were ever the same.

“I want an answer, Doctor. Don’t avoid this. I have a right to know.” She took a step closer, he saw that her fists were clenched, shaking. So hard her knuckles had whitened. “You owe me this.”

He took a deep breath.

 “All of them.”

 She shook her head, her anger seemed to flare. He could feel the disappointment and the rage radiating off of her.

 “Like I said, monster.”

 He gave a shaky sigh.

 “I know.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> i know not all of the companions have died as a direct result of the doctor but i know he still feels responsible for everything that happened to them. so, yeah.


End file.
